serenity

There are so many things that are scandalous and too embarrassing to say..these things are not yet over… it is on going

I am bad..very very bad indeed I don’t feel anything not even symphaty for my sister’s suffering in fact I know in my heart that she deserves it..

every pain, every hurt, every tears and every sufferings that she is in right now….

I know it’s not a good thing to say I ran to her sometimes and she helped me too but you see she should do that that’s her obligation as the eldest so Idon’t feel I owe her anything..

Since childhood I never had a memory that I felt that I was loved by her..she was in Manila when I was seven and tell you she tried to commit suicide then..I can remember it vividly..

When she came home she run away and I witnessed the tears that my papa cried for her…

She also went to jail for DRUGS I still don’t know whether the accusation were true or not..

My mom let her study again in my school but she dropped out because she told my mom that our neighbor wrote a letter in the administration that she has already children..but I found out that was a lie… a big fat lie… I am a guidance pet and they told me about that and I told my mom about that too hehehe

When she was studying in EDNOR we didn’t realize that she brings clothes because she has the intentions of running away again..she took my mother’s money and run away again…

What hurts me the most is when she left Boying with us…I never had the attention of my mom solely because of him but tell you I have nothing against Boying it’s no his fault..up to now I still can’t forgive her with that.

When I was in college my mom sent her to school to a school that is much more expensive…she asks for a tuition but my mom told her that she doesn’t have the money…but that was just a bluff..we went to her school and we found out that she DROPPED OUT because there was no one to take care of her children daw..putang ina kung ganun pala why did she accepted the offer..days after that my mom had her FIRST STROKE..

When my mom died we decided to let her live in our house so that there will be someone to look for papa pero shit siya hinayaan nya bugbugin ng asawa niya papa ko kaya namatay puta siya naniniwala ako dun…

saka yung ginawa nila sa bahay ng nanay ko putang ina bianaboy nila at yung asawa niya oportunista na walang hiya…

they deserve these things…

 di ako perpekto siyempre may sama ng loob din ang nanay ko pero di ganito kagrabe…

ang kapal mo IAN ALAFRIZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

tapos ginagawa nilang ALIPIN si Boying at si Michael punyeta!!!!!!!!!!!!

 KAYA HATE KO YUNG MGA ANAK NIYA NA MAHAL NIY SI SEBYA NA UBOD NG PANGIT AT SI FAITH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

prior claim

When  I learned that he already has someone new..I had this urge to fight..to fight for his love..to steal him but I am asking myself why do I need to fight..Do I love him or is it just a simple prior claim because of the thought that he is mine though I was not his??

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.  MARK TWAIN

im so broken

Mike and I broke up awhile ago and this time it’s for real….if your gonna ask me if I’m hurt i’ll answer you honestly of course I’m hurt…but maybe being single is not at all that bad..

I haven’t been single since highschool I already rejected guys who woo me in my college days…when I started a relationship with JC (when I was on my first year college) I felt the so called SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP and contentment…. when we broke up Michael entered the picture and voila!! ….

 Now that we’ve broken up….I’m hurt I would be insane if I’m not but I know in God’s time I will b alright….

I never regreted ever single moment I spent with him…

to the guy I missed the most

I kissed him but I know that he’s not closing his eyes…

I slept with him but I can feel no passion

 I was with him but his mind wanders

I hugged him but I felt cold

the things that made me so secure are all but gone

 If he could turn his head he will see me still standing here waiting for him to go back…

I’m shouting….but he can’t hear me….

I let him go now that he’s with someone..I can feel his absence,, how I long for him….how I want to kiss him liked I never kissed him before

how I want to run in his arms and feel his warm and tight embrace

 How I wish to spend the nights with him like it will never end

and  

how I wish I could turn back the time when he thinks of no one but ME

look at me

when people are in love….we can tell it on th way they look in each others eye..

Up to now I still can’t understand why they would glare at each other…hahaha I’m so bitter

Even with the many realtionship I had I never had the chance to do this even with the guys I went intimate with….not once not ever..

maybe I was afraid to look at them and see that I’m not there…maybe it’s much better if I don’t know about that…

more and more

i am watching meteor garden again for the nth time 🙂

BTW it’s my mother’s 3rd anniversary….I wasn’t able to greet my sister what the hell she did not greet me:)

if you can’t see it, doesn’t mean it don’t exist

]I do hope I will be able to find a new job that’s far from teaching…..

I’m watching METEOR GARDEN (VCD not in GMA) and I know it’s baduy and corny but I will say it anyway..I MISS F4 so much hahaha

i don’t make sense anymore 🙂

i’m sick (literally)

Since last week I’ve been experiencing minor headaches, cold  and a dry throat…I thought I could just carry on with it but hell no with the little help of rain last Friday my body finally gave up I become ill….

I woke up last Saturday with a headache and a slight fever but since Mike and I had a date I did not mind the pain 🙂 but I was so wrong….In the middle of the movie (HARRY POTTER) my body stats to shivver, I started coughing and sneezing. Mike was really mad because I was sick na daw but I insisted on going out and I drunk ZAGU (m fave)…..

When I went home I was complaining and told my Tita that I feel really really sick…I hate drinking medicine :<

by the way I wasn’t able to wait for another month I already resigned last Friday I felt so relieved 🙂 I just hope I will be able to find a new Job……

 I’m still figuring out the reason why I got so sick

and these are some of them :

1. stress sa work

2. no friends sa work/ walang mapag labasan ng sama ng loob

3. malayo ang work

4. di ko na kayang magpaka plastic.

5. pag ma MOP sa classroom at pagkuha ng chlorine sa storage room

6.mababa ang sweldo

_________________

I miss ……. especially when I’m sick 😦

“kahit ako na lang magkasakit wag lang ikaw”

awwwwwwwwwwww 🙂

FUCK DONT WATCH METEOR GARDEN ON GMA THE VOICES SUCKS>>>>

little faith

” do you believe in GOD?”

“have you seen,felt,tasted nor heard God?”

My mom sent me into a well-known,exclusive, catholic school here in our place….where people expects you to be good,respectful, full of initiative,smart/intelligent and most of all RELIGOUS….

I admit that as a child I loved Jesus…God, Mama mary and a bunch of saints that can save your soul….

 but now….I don’t know if I still believe that there’s a God nor saints….

Dreadful things happened to me….and believe me everytime it happens….I pray that God will put a stop on this but hell no…It happens all the time…that’s when I started doubting my belief…it’s seems that GOD is not listening to my woes, my fears and my prayers…

 I read it somewhere “FAITH IS SOMETHING THAT  YOU HOLD ON  WHEN THERE’S NO MORE HOPE ”

FAITH IS BELIEVING IN SOMETHING YOU CANNOT SEE.. yeah right!!

I WISH THAT THERE Will COME a TIME wheN I can SAY GOD is TRUE

Fix YOu by Coldplay…I do hope someone will sing this song for ME :(

When you try your best, but you don’t succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can’t sleep
Stuck in reverse

When the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can’t replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

High up above or down below
When you’re too in love to let it go
If you never try you’ll never know
Just what you’re worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I…

Tears stream down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I…

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you